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Purple Haze



Welp, we traded Josh Gordon.  For a 5th round pick. "But wait, Tom Brady was a 6th round pick!"  Eat my ass.  The Browns suck at drafting and we all know it.

To sum up my feelings on the trade, I give you a COMPLETELY HYPOTHETICAL, and not based on any personal experience, scenario that I 100% made up in my head, and I feel it applies:

Trading Josh Gordon for a 5th round pick is like when you have a weed dealer that always has the dankest shit, but he never answers his phone.  You put off your hope until tomorrow, until something suddenly comes up.  He fell asleep.  He was at the movie and couldn't check his phone.  His mom was up late binge watching 'The Big Bang Theory.'  Each time you justify it, "Oh well, they say 'The Big Bang Theory' is the most watched television show on primetime cable, that actually makes sense."

Then he'll give you that tease, where you get some shit with purple in it and it's just incredible.  You have to wrap it in 2 sandwich bags and put it in a metal jar or else you'll have to convince your mom that there's a skunk in the backyard (again).



But you know it's not reliable.  I'd rather get some reggie on the regular than suffer playing Call of Duty without any kind of buzz.  Again, COMPLETELY HYPOTHETICAL.  Can't stress that enough. Even had any of this been true to life, it would have occurred years ago, probably.  I don't know, like whatever.

The point of this blog is to bring up funny observations and try to take a light side of the sports world, not as much supplying facts.  You can get those anywhere.  But here are some that I just can't not include:

- Josh Gordon led the league in receiving in 2013.  He has played 11 games since then.  Eleven. Out of 65 (not including yesterday). So, 16.9 % of the possible games. He missed the last game of 2014 because the Mike Pettine regime suspended him for the season's final game.  Gordon routinely did not know the plays and would run the wrong routes.  Every other game that he missed was due to suspension.  That's 53 games!  Jesus.

- The Patriots turned around the careers of cast offs Corey Dillon and Randy Moss.

- The year before going to the Patriots, Dillon ran for career lows of 541 yards and scoring 2 touchdowns.  The Patriots acquired him for a 2nd round pick, the Bengals trading him due to emerging running back Rudi Johnson.  Dillon would play 3 seasons for the Patriots, scoring a total of 37 touchdowns.

- The year before New England got Moss, he was on a dysfunctional Oakland Raiders team that severely underachieved, in part due to Moss' questionable effort.  He had 42 catches for 553 yards and just 2 touchdowns, sounding more like the statline of Rishard 'Hollywood' Higgins than that of one of the most talented receivers in NFL history.

- We all remember this story.  Moss caught an NFL record 23 touchdown passes from Tom Brady in the 2007 season, playing parts of 3 more seasons with the Patriots at an All-Pro level.

So, the Patriots were given a reputation of an organization that revives promising careers.  However, that hasn't always been the case.  They have taken chances on other notable players over the years, including:

- Albert Haynesworth
- Chad 'Ochocinco' Johnson
- Kenny Britt
- Barkevious Mingo
- Corey Coleman
- Reggie Wayne
- Michael Floyd

Something to think about.  They take in more people with other-the-hill careers than the state of Florida.  But, as long as they have Tom Brady, they'll get the benefit of the doubt.  And Josh Gordon is instantly the most talented player on that list.

THE BROWNS AND GORDON

 I won't be a phony here.  Gordon is an addict, yes, but you know what?  Addicts that are surrounded by enablers are not ever going to change.  Josh Gordon continues to surround himself with people more invested in his financial worth than keeping his head right to play professional football.  They see him as a cash cow, which is probably why they have fronted him the money to live while he spends year after year sitting on the couch on NFL Sundays.  As a fan, he can go to New England and be a Pro Bowler, and yes, that will piss me off.  But the Browns suck.  They have sucked long before him, they sucked with him playing at a Pro Bowl level (once), and they certainly sucked while he was suspended.  I look forward to not having to hear about how Gordon failed another test and will miss another season, but is committed to being the player we all know he can be.  I moved on from the weed dealers from the HYPOTHETICAL story, and I will move on from Josh Gordon.

Only in Cleveland.


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