I've been sick 3(!) seperate times in the last month. I've had more diarrhea than Steelers fans watching the Browns' last drive against the Ravens, you know, the one that knocked them out of the playoffs (HAHAHA). By the way, 'diarrhea' might be the hardest word to spell in the English language. Maybe that's why they spelled it that way - the wordmakers were going to make it as inconvenient as possible for anybody to ever use it. Oops.
So now that we got the important stuff out of the way, on to today's update: The Browns hired Freddie Kitchens to be their head coach. Here is my take on the hire: I have no take.
Allow me to explain. For the better part of the last month, I have seen #BrownsTwitter have one opinion after another about who the next head coach of the Browns should be. "Don't hire Mike McCarthy, he failed in Green Bay!" "Adam Gase? The guy that the players supposedly hated? PASS." "Bruce Arians, the guy that's 66 years old???" "Matt Campbell, the highest level he's coached at is Iowa State!" "Hire Gregg Williams, he turned them around!"
Look, guys... we don't have a fucking clue. I wasn't alone when I was firmly against the Browns drafting Baker Mayfield around this time last year. I eventually came around to it, but not before I said some Tony Grossi-esque things on Twitter about my lack of belief in a Big 12 undersized quarterback.
I'm sick of fans dissecting every move on the internet as if they have a clue as to what they're talking about. Classic example: What makes a head coach a bad coach? Common response: "Bad clock management, bad playcalling." EVERY FANBASE SAYS THIS. Every. Single. One. Same complaint.
Here's the thing: I could not stand Sashi Brown from day one. He was a lawyer. He hired a freaking search firm to identify his next head coach. He let the coach tell him who was and wasn't a franchise quarterback. Ick. I want a general management with conviction, a guy that doesn't care about what the popular thing to do is, a guy that can stand up to Jimmy Haslam and draw a line in the sand. We have that in John Dorsey.
I got into an argument on Twitter with this guy recently that said he would be really ticked off if the Browns hired McCarthy, and I had a problem with that, because I want Dorsey to hire whoever he thinks is fit to be the coach. You should trust him to make the call, not some guy that has a podcast and writes a sports blog (ahem). This guy even told me that I was "worshiping Dorsey like a God," and I needed to stop because he's not perfect. After all, he got fired from Kansas City!
Man, you just gotta love Browns fans. You know who else was fired? Pete Carroll. Bill Belichick. Andy Reid. Newsflash dude: EVERYBODY GETS FIRED IN THE NFL. It'd be quicker to list coaches and executives that haven't been fired at some point in their careers. The guy has drafted, in consecutive years, the NFL's MVP and Rookie of the Year at the most important position in sports. He built the most explosive offense in the NFL in the Chiefs, then came here and will likely get many votes for Executive of the Year, if not win it. Shut up, kick back, and let the man make his choice. We don't know shit. I've learned my lesson.
As for Freddie, how can you not fucking root for this guy? Really, that's all I have to say about this hire. I obviously love what he did with the Browns in 8 games. Baker loves the guy. I'm glad they didn't overthink this one and risk alienating their star player. Also, watch this. Seriously.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p6ya-08Ize4&t=355s
NICK'S CORNER
Ok, here are some random, scattered thoughts on things that have happened in the last month since I last posted... please let one more person tell me they're offended by something I say.
- The Steelers are now the LeBron Cavs. It's actually kind of eery. Antonio Brown is Kyrie Irving. Ben Roethlisberger is LeBron. Of course, LeBron has never been accused of rape, but he did leave Cleveland twice, which you can argue is worse than rape. At least Ben is loyal.
- Kent State gun girl continues to post on Twitter, and I admit that I sort of enjoy "hate checking" her tweets every once in a while. What a disaster that chick is. The Kent State Massacre is no longer the worst thing to come out of Kent State.
- Watched 'Bandersnatch' on Netflix. Very meh. Look, I can't even make decisions in my real life, the last thing I want to do is watch a movie where I have to choose things. Plus, it just sucked. That's my official review.
- Went to Chicago and got a banana foster drink that they lit on fucking fire when they made it. I would honestly drink my own piss if they made it look that cool and lit it on fire. And pay handsomely to do it. As long as I didn't have asparagus that day.
- I keep Facebook around for 2 reasons: 1.) to tell my crude jokes that my girlfriend doesn't care for that will satisfy my need for validation. 2.) For the day that I eventually get my fat ass back in shape and get to rub it in everybody's faces. But every once in a while I come across a post that truly makes me chuckle, such as this:
I'm not gonna tell you why it's fucking stupid to compare America to Heaven, or how idiotic you are if you believe that people that go to hell (rapists, killers) are basically the same thing as illegal immigrants, or question what the fuck religion has to do with any of it, cuz I'm just not gonna go there. Why insult people when I don't have to, after all? I'm certainly above calling these people morons. I'm just saying that this made me chuckle. That's all.
That's all for this week, or month, or year, or whenever the fuck else I choose to make my next blog. I like to be consistently inconsistent.
I LOVE THIS AND U.
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