Cut Us a Break: We're Young and Dumb

OFFENSIVE TWEETS

If I am ever famous, I am going to have a lot of shit to apologize for. Over the last few months, a trend has emerged of people digging up old tweets from celebrities and exposing them. Some are really bad, like James Gunn, who joked about rape and molesting little kids. Others, like Trea Turner of the Washington Nationals, not so much.

Ok, yes, this tweet does offend me. This joke has the originality of a Sylvester Stallone 90s movie. Yes, it has well been established that in general, those of African American descent are, shall we say, blessed.  Anything in these last few sentences apology worthy? I'm skating on thin ice here, and I'm not one for balance. I would love to hear an apology where they actually apologize for what they said instead of just brushing everything into the category of, "These things aren't a reflection of who I am," blah blah blah. "To all of the African Americans out there that I insinuated had large penises that would leave men and women medically unable to walk from penetration, I sincerely apologize." 

Young men like this, and like myself, absolutely say things for shock value. The ONLY way I am ever sorry for it is if it is sincerely not funny, as 18-22 year olds aren't. You really think you are at that age. I recently came across my 'joke book,' a notebook where I literally just wrote things that I thought were funny. Among them: "Do you think God says, 'Dear me?'' Like, in my brain I went, "Oooh, better be sure to write that one down, that's a keeper." 

I remember specifically the one thing I've ever said purely for shock that I regretted. I consider it the most offensive thing I've ever said, and mind you when I typed it, I honestly thought it was funny. Here it goes: "9/11, the day that forever changed airport security."

Now there is an offensive post. Mind you, I said it on September 11th. What the fuck was I thinking? I believe I was 21 or 22 when I said it. If I were famous, that post would be synonymous with my career (or if I were a Kardashian, my vacation tweets), and that definitely does not reflect my beliefs. I was just sayin some bullshit on Facebook like if  you followed me in the past, you know I do. I did delete it after some predictable backlash. But that brings me to my point. Are we seriously gonna hold people accountable for the stupid shit they say when they're 20? If they're out there wearing a white KKK hood then yeah, might wanna sabotage that career there. 

Also, people need to find a fuckin hobby. Go outside man. Watch some porn. Build shit. 

INDIANS TRADE DEADLINE

Now for a complete 180, some Indians trade talk. My blog, my rules. The Indians were largely underwhelming at this deadline, even though a few weeks back they added stud reliever Brad Hand. The talk leading up to the deadline was whether Washington would move Bryce Harper (which they absolutely should have). They were never going to, in my opinion, but had they been considering it, they would have wanted Shane Bieber from the Indians... and the Indians refused. I'll repeat: The Indians refused to move Shane Bieber for Bryce freaking Harper. 

Just repeat the name 'Shane Bieber' in your head about 10x straight. It just sounds like one of those names 7 years from now where we'll be like, "Hey remember when we thought he was gonna be a stud, pfffff." I base my opinions on scientific gatherings such as this. But seriously, Bieber is a guy that projects as a middle of the rotation starter at best. Sure, he is in the big league rotation now, but at best case, he is your number 4 starter. He is a rookie spotting a 4.73 ERA. 

Prospects in baseball are a lot like saving for retirement. Going to bed at night, it makes you feel nice and cozy.  You can look responsible to all your peers when the conversation shifts from, "What kinda beer you drinking tonight?" to, "How's that 401K plan coming along?" You look to the future and think, "At least I'm not a complete disaster." And then you drop dead at the age of 56. 

All I can stand to think is: