Today I was speaking with friends of mine about the dating app Tinder. Typically, there is a good catch for every 20 or so people you swipe with if you're lucky, but you have to go through the other 19 to get there. Do you have the patience to get there? Will constant fuckboys deter your motivation? Having swiped for female friends of mine in the past, I know what you're up against. I do apologize on behalf of my sex. I think I can speak confidently for my girlfriend when I say, we're not all bad. Nevermind that for the longest time I thought her birthday was June 25th and not the 24th. I promise I didn't have to look that up on her Facebook just to be able to confirm it. It's fine guys, it's a sports blog, she doesn't read this anyways. Just in case, nobody tag her.
What is the correlation between this and the NBA you ask? Recently, Kawhi Leonard of the San Antonio Spurs has asked for a trade. This is of particular interest to Cavaliers fans because, gauging from my Twitter feed, many of us were on the same page. Get Kawhi to come here and LeBron stays. Yes, it may just be that simple. Then again, it may not. The Cavaliers as a trading partner are one of the mid level guys you would come across on Tinder. Yes, they are decent enough looking, but their bio has just a few sentences in it. Then there's that gym selfie. That's hard to get past.
We hate to admit this in Cleveland, but the Boston Celtics have the perfect Tinder profile. Yes, they're jacked, but they don't have to resort to gym shirtless selfies to show you. They wear tight, form fitting polos that don't have the word, 'Abecrombie,' written anywhere in sight. They have an immaculate bio, filled with love of their parents, Bill Murray, and guacamole. They're outdoorsmen, but don't flaunt pictures with camo. They're any NBA team's trading partner's dream come true. Cinderella's heel fits them with flying fucking colors.
Fortunately, the Celtics are a bit of a prude. Jayson Tatum is off limits, so is the speculation. They are still interested, and Cavalier fans need worry. But as long as they're not willing to go (stay with me here) 'All In' (or is it All In 216?), Dan Gilbert, Cavs GM, still has an opportunity to steal one.
I have a hard time believing the Spurs are interested in Kevin Love. Perhaps they can find a 3rd team to help them facilitate? Love, for his defensive shortcomings, showed that he has the capacity to compete in a 7 game series against the Warriors, for maybe the first time in his career in Cleveland. Defensively, yes, he is a liability. He is not particularly a great 2nd scoring option. But he capable of stretching the floor and knocking down 3 pointers, as well as going inside and posting up. Still, the Spurs have LaMarcus Aldridge, an All-Star power forward in his own right, which makes taking on Love unlikely. Denver showed interest last year and they still have attractive pieces, such as Gary Harris and Jamal Murray, that might tickle the Spurs' fancy. The Cavs will due their due diligence on Love. I believe, regardless of whether or not James comes back, that we have seen the last of Kevin Love in a Cavaliers uniform.
Then, there's the 8th pick. The Cavs cannot trade the pick itself. They can, however, draft a player with said pick and trade him after a 30 day waiting period. If the Cavs were to agree in principle to a trade, say, before the draft, then the Spurs would have to essentially make that selection and get traded the rights to the player officially a month later. Or the Cavs take who they like, and if 30 days later San Antonio hasn't found another dance partner and they like the player the Cavs took? It could work. See how this gets complicated?
Luckily, the Spurs are not the Cavs. Last season, the Cavs were faced with a similar predicament with Kyrie Irving. They panicked and obliged Irving's trade request, getting Isaiah Thomas for the short term and the Brooklyn pick for the long term, to essentially cover their ass if James leaves this off-season. It turned into a complete cluster fuck, with Cleveland scrambling to make additional trades at the deadline in an attempt to reshape its roster in a way that they never quite could. San Antonio is not emotional. They will take time at the table to review their hand and know that they hold all the leverage, not the player. Oh, Kawhi wants to go to Los Angeles? That's cute. I want my girlfriend to make me eggs benedict wearing nothing but a skimpy swimsuit (preferably something European), but it takes two to make a deal. As my girlfriend says to me (often), and I imagine what San Antonio is telling Kawhi in regards to his request, is: Go fuck yourself, douchebag.
My early Kawhi trading partners:
1. Boston - the perfect Tinder match, but a bit of a prude
2. Phoenix - they're young and flashy with that #1 pick, but are they ready for commitment? They have tease written all over them.
3. Sacramento - They have a great luxury sports car, but have no idea what the fuck they're doing and still live with their parents. Easy to take advantage of, if you're into that sort of thing.
4. Los Angeles Lakers - They're preppy and have been given everything in their life by their rich parents, so naturally they think they're owed the fucking world. Have some attractive pieces, but not as many as they think they have.
5. Cleveland - A nice package, the Cavs are the nice guy in this scenario. Not particularly wealthy, and definitely not smart, but boy are they desperate. You can count on them for a quick bang if all your more attractive options fall through.
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