SPORTS STUFF

HOW ARE WE NOT ON HARD KNOCKS EVERY YEAR: If you don't think the last 18 hours don't represent everything that the Browns choose to be, then I really don't know what to tell you. Is there a more comically inept franchise in the history of sports? Where else do these stories happen?  Linebackers arrested for insider trading, receivers with more talent than God that can't lay off drugs meant for college freshmen, OUR PETS HEADS ARE FALLIN OFF!  Hard Knocks needs to have the Browns on speedial the way Leonardo DiCaprio has 19 year old models on his. Josh Gordon is like George Costanza when he tried to get fired from the Yankees, dragging the World Series trophy in the parking lot and spilling spaghetti sauce all over a vintage Babe Ruth jersey.  Over the past few years, I'm convinced Gordon could've walked right into the general manager's office, shit directly onto his desk, and they would've retaliated by... firing the head coach.  "Let...

Are we really gonna ignore that Machine Gun Kelly called Eminem's 16 year old daughter hot?  Yeah, fuck that. I'm with Marshall on this one.  I haven't been this proud to be white since 'White Chocolate' was the star of the AND1 mix tour.  Listen, being white is fucking easy... yes, we occasionally have to be over the top in our racism outrage, just so the other races don't hate us.  But when it comes to hip-hop, dancing, basketball, being born with muscles that would make even Hercules marvel... we're mostly screwed, unless we can hit 3 pointers.  Or we're the "crafty, with surprising quickness" 5'9 receiver that plays for the New England Patriots.  But hey, I'm not complaining.  I've gotten out of more speeding tickets than I care to count, I have it good. Eminem, to us, has always been our knight in shining armor.  He's the Randall Cunningham of the rap game.  Battling race his entire life, coming up being a battle ra...

A TIE?!? How, in the world of professional sports, is a tie even possible? It feels like when on the first day of class the professor asks, "What's your favorite movie?" (as if that's a way to ever get to know a person) and there's always one person that goes into WAY too much detail and say "ummm I really don't have a favorite, it's between blah blah and blah..." How can you not have a favorite? How can you play a game and there NOT be a winner? Do they all just get participation medals? On one hand, I think it's funny to look at it from a Pittsburgh perspective and realize, that's a team fighting for a #1 overall seed in the AFC and they have to get out of Cleveland extremely disappointed. How many times do we have to see the headline, "Ben Roethlisberger is the winningest quarterback in First Energy Stadium history," like great! Hey while we're at it, how many different Browns QBs have there been since 1999? I won...

BAKER MAYFIELD Before the regular season starts, I need to make an important declaration: I am fully aboard the Baker Mayfield hype train. I was adamant throughout the college football season last year that I wanted nothing to do with Mayfield. He was my third favorite option, behind Josh Rosen and Sam Darnold. He was undersized and an Oklahoma quarterback, a product of the system that has produced Heisman trophy winning quarterbacks, such as Jason White and Sam Bradford, that have gone on to less than sexy NFL careers. I had no issue with his off field concerns, if anything, I liked his fire and passion. Unlike some, I didn't see similarities to Johnny Manziel. I just dislike system players. After seeing a few preseason games, I am ready to let go of every one of my assumptions. Here is why: First, the height argument. If you watch elite quarterbacks, such as Tom Brady, something will stand out in the way that he stands in the pocket: He feels the pressure, but will keepi...

When I decided to begin my own sports (ish) blog, it came with an idea that I had an interesting and fun perspective when it came to sports. I like making fun analogies that don't carry much weight and will best case give you a chuckle for your five minutes of reading. This, however, is not what I had in mind. I spent a good chunk of my free time yesterday stewing over the news that Urban Meyer likely knew about, and lied about knowing about, employing a serial domestic abuser on his staff up until this year. I got into arguments on Twitter with fellow Buckeye fans, got called a Michigan fan, a "tough guy," and somebody that spewed "fake outrage" over calling for the firing of arguably the best college football coach in the country. Let's clear some things up: 1.) I am an Ohio State fan. 2.) Sorry, I'm not really tough. I have a stone face and somewhat muscle-ish arms, depending on how Baby Gap I wanna get with my t-shirt, but I actually complain a...

OFFENSIVE TWEETS If I am ever famous, I am going to have a lot of shit to apologize for. Over the last few months, a trend has emerged of people digging up old tweets from celebrities and exposing them. Some are really bad, like James Gunn, who joked about rape and molesting little kids. Others, like Trea Turner of the Washington Nationals, not so much. Ok, yes, this tweet does offend me. This joke has the originality of a Sylvester Stallone 90s movie. Yes, it has well been established that in general, those of African American descent are, shall we say, blessed.  Anything in these last few sentences apology worthy? I'm skating on thin ice here, and I'm not one for balance. I would love to hear an apology where they actually apologize for what they said instead of just brushing everything into the category of, "These things aren't a reflection of who I am," blah blah blah. "To all of the African Americans out there that I insinuated had large pe...

I remember thinking to myself, "Whatever you do, don't swear. Don't say anything stupid. Don't hit on her." In just a few moments, as soon as the Indians were to make the 3rd out in the inning, my face would be plastered on the giant Progressive Field scoreboard in left. I was excited, but being three $11 jack and cokes deep, I was in the zone. A few minutes earlier, I was returning to my seats in the mezzanine section in right field with my brother, having just waited for one of said jack and cokes. It was Jim Thome appreciation day, as earlier that day he signed a 1 day contract to formally retire as a member of the Cleveland Indians. His statue of him with his signature bat point was unveiled before the game. Jason Giambi even gave up his #25 uniform for the day so Thome could don it. I had made it a point in my life to attend all special Jim Thome events. In 2001, I was at the game on Jim Thome bobblehead day. The good ol' days, where the corner of Car...